A Valentine Message For The Spouse of a Wolf

Have you ever wondered where Jesus is on Valentine's Day? While the rest of the world is in love, Valentine's Day can be a very difficult day if you are married to a WOLF. It is a day of unknown expectancy. The WOLF has many options for Valentine's Day. The WOLF may be charming and loving (and you will be wondering "is this real?". Or, maybe the WOLF will be distant and cold; acting as if there is no Valentine's day. The WOLF may be mean and blame you for being an unloving spouse. The WOLF may be having an affair (that you know about) and he charms her and ignores you. Valentine's Day is most likely either incredible painful or a day filled with apprehension if you are married to a WOLF. There is a way out of surviving today. It starts with the only One who truly knows your heart and the situation you are in...Jesus. Your eyes need to be on Him today. No matter what storm or life circumstance we are in, our focus needs to be him. The image of Peter walking on the water is one I keep close to my heart! As long as Peter's eyes were on Jesus he was fine amidst the roaring see. I think Jesus also can teach us how to anticipate the WOLF on Valentine's Day. Can you imagine Him spending Valentine's Day with the Pharisees? I wonder what he would say. Would it be any different than the encounter's He has with them throughout the New Testament. Each time Jesus interacts with the Pharisees there is an interesting pattern and it starts with a preface statement about their motive...they were out to trick him! Interesting! The intention of a WOLF is to trick, to trap, to deceive. There ultimate (at least they thought so) was to bribe one of Jesus' closest friends, Judas. Remember, there is a motive behind what the WOLF is doing that is serving the WOLF! So regardless of their behavior (loving, mean, or distant)...it is about them; not you! What was Jesus's response to this? He either responded with silence or a question. His questions were masterful! He can give you the words and response today. The only time I saw Jesus anticipate anything different was in his interactions with the Pharisee named Nicodemus (who came to him at night when he wouldn't be discovered). Nicodemus came with different questions then usual. There is no mention of his intention before the conversation starts, just that he came at night. He starts by telling Jesus he knows he is from God! He acknowledges who Jesus is. Coming to someone from a real, vulnerable, and authentic place is different. There is risk --- that is why Nicodemus came at night. Can you imagine what his peers would have done if they had know? Can you imagine how his peers would have responded if they knew he had acknowledge Jesus came from God? Jesus recieved Nicodemus. He didn't respond with silence and he didn't responsd with a questions. He gave a straight forward answer and it left Nicodemus with questions that opened his heart even more. This year Valentine's can be a new start! Ask Jesus to show you his love for you today in a special and unique way! That is my prayer for you! The Bible clearly tells us that God is close to the broken hearted! Give him a chance today to reveal His love to you today! Finally, if for some reason you are reading this blog and you aren't married to a Wolf but know someone is; ask God to show you how you can be Jesus to that person today. Find a way to express God's love to them! My fondest memories of Valentine's Day are when people showed up as Jesus to me and let me know that He loved me!

Reflecting on the Ode to 2012 and the Entering into 2013

Over the course of my life I have come to realize that some years are harder than others. 2012 was a hard year for me and I am sure for those of you in difficult marriages 2012 was a hard year. Getting rid of a difficult situation by no means assures a smooth future and there are certain life situations where you are just "stuck" and others where you can choose to stay on the journey or leave it. The question is whether or not you have learned what God intended you to learn and if you were transformed on the journey in the way He was working toward. There will always be another difficult journey ahead to grow and strethc us. As I reflect on the end of 2012 and all its struggles and triumphs, I am reminded that tomorrow 2013 has hope and anticipation; a new year is one of those road signs reminding us that it can be better. 2012 started out with promise for me, as does the start of each year. It is with anticipation that I consider all the possibilities ahead. The year was full of surprises though; amidst the pressures of my school my dad suffered a heart attack in February and had heart surgery. In an already over-extended season of my life, God stretched me. For the first couple of weeks, I was able to lean into my husband for support. Human connection is often our first place of comfort. However, a couple of weeks into the process of my dad's recover my husband's father fell off a roof and ended up in a rehab facility across town. No longer was he the one I could turn too; rather my heavenly Father (where I should have run to in the first place) was my source of strength. He showed me that even when life appears to have nothing left He can supply more! While I was in it, I didn't feel it or see it; however as I look back it was clear that His grace was sufficient. There were more reminders of His sufficiency; I also took my qualifying exams for my Ph.D. this year. There is no way to describe this experience except to say you are reading and writing for 10 to 15 hours a day for 7 days and then take 7 days off and then start all over again for another 7 days. A couple of days before my exams were to begin, my parents called and said that my mom needed to go in to have a stint put in her heart. There was no time for me to get back home. So, on the first day of my exam in the first hour of taking it, my mom went in to surgery to have stint put in her heart (she has already had heart surgery twice and the possibility of her not surving was very real and present). I prayed. I put my mother in God's hands and let His will be done. And, then I put my exam in His hands and began writing. I knew to survive and pass the exams, I would have to live in two weeks of complete absorption and total focus. This came at a cost to my husband, who I completely ignored for those two weeks. We had "planned" ahead on how to manage those weeks, but until you are in the midst of it you don't know if you sufficently prepared for the journey. My Ph.D. experience over and over has felt like a season of "self-absorption". It has stretched me as I have wrestled with balancing the "we" and the "I" and the "call" I feel God placed on my life to go in this direction. The "call" God places on one's life can be an excuse to self-absorption. The "we" decided this is our path can become an excuse for self-absorption and obviously the I is ever present in self-absorption. There is a continually process in the journey of transformation that challenges us to reflect on our call, our we, and the I. My journey of the call, the we, and the I faced its biggest challenged to date. Just before thanksgiving my parents and I were stopped in gridlock traffic and were rear-ended by another vehicle at a high speed. No pun intended but life as I knew it came to a crashing halt! My days have been and are filled with facing one decision after another with the call, the we, and the I. There are no simple decisions. Each one has a ripple and impacts the future. In reality, this is true all the time. Our decisions do have an impact on the course of our journey's. It is in difficult trials that the possible effects are heightened and we wrestle with what is best to do and how to proceed. Here is where our faith must enter if we are to survive challenging seasons. If we bear the burden of our decisions they can crush us? If we don't consider the consequences of our decisions on others, it can crush them? Ironically (God's consistent sense of humor in my life), I was in a Philosophy of Religion class during all this. When the accident happen we were reading about God's foreknowledge. In the midst of the crisis, I was being presented with a different way of viewing God's foreknowledge. I clung to the way I knew! It was my security blanket!!! Thankfully my professor provided a living example of God's compassion and grace. Once I was out of the immediate crisis and began reflecting on the timing of the assignment and my personal circumstances, I began considering the "if". Without getting to heady into philosophy of religion, the new thought was that God is in active two way relationship with us and in doing this (choosing to be in a two way relationship) He has made himself vulnerable. As I end 2012 and enter 2013 I am pondering what this might mean. I have believed that God is in relationship with me, but I don't think I ever considered that He would be vulnerable. However, true intimacy does involve vulnerability by both participants. So maybe, just maybe, in the midst of 2012 as I faced the challenges they were preparing me to consider a new element in my relationship with God. I am still overwhelmed at the thought of the Almighty being vulnerable to me! Why? Because I still have times where the "I" wins rather than the "we's" in my life or the "call" in my life. And if God is vulnerable in my relationship with Him, my heart is deeply saddened by the "I" choices I make. However, I still rest in His promise that He is still able to take "all things" including my selfish "I" and turn them for good! Again, in the midst of those long days of writing and focusing I got a call from my parents that my and alot to !look forward too. I have been working on my Ph.D. (thus my lack of consistency in writing this blog). This years journey was especially difficult as there were many The third year of you

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So Little Time and Sacred Moments

wAs we approach the holidays, I am sure many of our schedules are going to start feeling overwhelmed with all the "to do" lists. As some of you know, last fall I embarked on an adventure of getting my PhD and I am now in my second year (1/3 of the way done). I have had to reorganize my life and with that have come many changes in how I manage my time. Last week, I saw a new Doctor and he asked me how I am balancing my life going through a PhD program at this stage in my life. His question took me off guard, I stumbled for words and said something like "Well I still try to find time for lunch with a friend, I still spend time with my husband, and I use my drive time for connecting also.' This morning as I was reflecting in my quiet time, I started looking at all the SACRED MOMENTS that God has provided me with this last year. It adjusted my thinking and gave me some new thoughts to approaching this busy season of my life and I thought it was worth passing on to you during the approaching holiday season.

I started my PhD program off with creating a list of priorities for my life. The first part of this priority was believe that God had called me to this journey. So, my first question is...the journey you are on, is it one you feel called into. God calls us to different seasons of life to teach us and equip us for what He is planning. Stay-at-home mom's feel called to be the main source of input into their children's lives. Choir members at my church feel called to dedicate several hour a week to serving a team that leads it church in worship every week. I truly believe God provides time, where He has called.

Next, I asked my husband what was most important to him in how I dedicated time. We both knew that by my being in school, my time for other activities would be limited and we wanted to make sure it was being invested in what was important (knowing a lot of other important wouldn't be invested in). I still work 15 to 20 hours a week. I commute 8 hours a week. I am in class and school related meetings 10 hours a week. I easily have a minimum of 20 hours of homework each week. You add it up and there isn't much left. So, my next question is determine with those closest to you what is most valuable to them about how you spend time with them. We as a couple are important! We as grandparents are important! We have 8 and I make sure I am at their birthday parties and an occasional grandma and grandpa outing or sleepover.

Next, I considered my other relationships and how to prioritize them. I am a totally relational person and am blessed with SO MANY dear friends. I talked with them and let them know I would no longer be able to spend time as I had before. No more weekly lunches or monthly lunches, but I told them when I did have time I would see them. This was probably one of the biggest areas of sacrifice for me personally (and for my friends). As you journey into a season where life is more complicated make sure you are communicating with those closest to you and ask for their grace and understanding.

However, know that your priorities are going to called into question by others who may not know you as well or even those who do know you well. When your life shifts course, relationships and time change. There are going to be people in your life who don't know it shifted. There will be people in your life who think you are spending your time wrong. That is why it is so essential that you have prayed about where God wants you investing your time and talked with those closest to you about how to best maintain your relationship with time. When you hear of others complaints about how you are investing your time, you will either have to let them talk or decided to face it head on (or write a blog).

Once you have prioritized your life you will begin to see SACRED MOMENTS. Those priorities that you have created, become your moments of sacredness. When one of my grandchildren runs up to me with a big old bear hug and says "I love you", that is a sacred moment. When I have finish writing a paper or reading a project and I get to sit next to my hubby and chat, that is a sacred moment. When I have a moment to do something I really enjoy or being with someone I love, those are sacred moments. So during this holiday season, pray about what where God wants you investing time. Next talk with your spouse and those closes to you about what they consider as important investments in time. And then watch for all the SACRED MOMENTS God places before you!!!

Out of Emptiness He provides!

I am fascinated by story of Elijah's visit to Zarephath where he encounters a single parent mom and her son. Elijah was sent to by God and was told that a widow would provide for him. I wonder what Elijah's expectations were on what God had told him. I wonder if he imagined a wealthy widow who had an abundance of resources.

When Elijah entered the city he saw a women collecting sticks, and assumed it was the widow who was to help him. He was tired and thirsty from his journey, so he immediately requested she bring him water and bread. He assumed what God's provision was going to look like. Little did he realize that this widow was collecting sticks to prepare her last meal for her and her son. She had just enough oil and flour for her and her son to eat and then die.

I think as a single parent I would have been in shocked at the request. Here was a man (who had an abundance of privilege in his society) and I was a widow who was out gather sticks to make my last meal. The last thing I would want to do is feed someone else before my son and I, much less this stranger.

Elijah had enough encounters with the living God that He knew God's provision wasn't limited by the amount of flour and oil she had. Something in Elijah's next response communicated this to the widow. He was obviously tired and hungry and had been traveling along way, yet he was coming to her. He was telling her that God would not let her flour or oil run out. She was encountering someone who had a belief in someone, God, more than himself. This man was confident in God's provision, no matter how dire the circumstances looked. So she took the risk, amidst all the evidence to the contrary. And, God provided! The flour and oil lasted.

Where are you at your wits end? How is it causing you to be self-consumed? God has a plan! It is in our emptiness that we find Him. He is at the end of our rope. He just usually doesn't show up in ways we expect. Are you in an Elijah season, where you trust God completely amidst your circumstances but still place your expectations on what His provision looks like? Or, maybe you are in a widow season where you see no hope, no resolution, only death? God shows up for both!