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So Little Time and Sacred Moments

wAs we approach the holidays, I am sure many of our schedules are going to start feeling overwhelmed with all the "to do" lists. As some of you know, last fall I embarked on an adventure of getting my PhD and I am now in my second year (1/3 of the way done). I have had to reorganize my life and with that have come many changes in how I manage my time. Last week, I saw a new Doctor and he asked me how I am balancing my life going through a PhD program at this stage in my life. His question took me off guard, I stumbled for words and said something like "Well I still try to find time for lunch with a friend, I still spend time with my husband, and I use my drive time for connecting also.' This morning as I was reflecting in my quiet time, I started looking at all the SACRED MOMENTS that God has provided me with this last year. It adjusted my thinking and gave me some new thoughts to approaching this busy season of my life and I thought it was worth passing on to you during the approaching holiday season.

I started my PhD program off with creating a list of priorities for my life. The first part of this priority was believe that God had called me to this journey. So, my first question is...the journey you are on, is it one you feel called into. God calls us to different seasons of life to teach us and equip us for what He is planning. Stay-at-home mom's feel called to be the main source of input into their children's lives. Choir members at my church feel called to dedicate several hour a week to serving a team that leads it church in worship every week. I truly believe God provides time, where He has called.

Next, I asked my husband what was most important to him in how I dedicated time. We both knew that by my being in school, my time for other activities would be limited and we wanted to make sure it was being invested in what was important (knowing a lot of other important wouldn't be invested in). I still work 15 to 20 hours a week. I commute 8 hours a week. I am in class and school related meetings 10 hours a week. I easily have a minimum of 20 hours of homework each week. You add it up and there isn't much left. So, my next question is determine with those closest to you what is most valuable to them about how you spend time with them. We as a couple are important! We as grandparents are important! We have 8 and I make sure I am at their birthday parties and an occasional grandma and grandpa outing or sleepover.

Next, I considered my other relationships and how to prioritize them. I am a totally relational person and am blessed with SO MANY dear friends. I talked with them and let them know I would no longer be able to spend time as I had before. No more weekly lunches or monthly lunches, but I told them when I did have time I would see them. This was probably one of the biggest areas of sacrifice for me personally (and for my friends). As you journey into a season where life is more complicated make sure you are communicating with those closest to you and ask for their grace and understanding.

However, know that your priorities are going to called into question by others who may not know you as well or even those who do know you well. When your life shifts course, relationships and time change. There are going to be people in your life who don't know it shifted. There will be people in your life who think you are spending your time wrong. That is why it is so essential that you have prayed about where God wants you investing your time and talked with those closest to you about how to best maintain your relationship with time. When you hear of others complaints about how you are investing your time, you will either have to let them talk or decided to face it head on (or write a blog).

Once you have prioritized your life you will begin to see SACRED MOMENTS. Those priorities that you have created, become your moments of sacredness. When one of my grandchildren runs up to me with a big old bear hug and says "I love you", that is a sacred moment. When I have finish writing a paper or reading a project and I get to sit next to my hubby and chat, that is a sacred moment. When I have a moment to do something I really enjoy or being with someone I love, those are sacred moments. So during this holiday season, pray about what where God wants you investing time. Next talk with your spouse and those closes to you about what they consider as important investments in time. And then watch for all the SACRED MOMENTS God places before you!!!

Out of Emptiness He provides!

I am fascinated by story of Elijah's visit to Zarephath where he encounters a single parent mom and her son. Elijah was sent to by God and was told that a widow would provide for him. I wonder what Elijah's expectations were on what God had told him. I wonder if he imagined a wealthy widow who had an abundance of resources.

When Elijah entered the city he saw a women collecting sticks, and assumed it was the widow who was to help him. He was tired and thirsty from his journey, so he immediately requested she bring him water and bread. He assumed what God's provision was going to look like. Little did he realize that this widow was collecting sticks to prepare her last meal for her and her son. She had just enough oil and flour for her and her son to eat and then die.

I think as a single parent I would have been in shocked at the request. Here was a man (who had an abundance of privilege in his society) and I was a widow who was out gather sticks to make my last meal. The last thing I would want to do is feed someone else before my son and I, much less this stranger.

Elijah had enough encounters with the living God that He knew God's provision wasn't limited by the amount of flour and oil she had. Something in Elijah's next response communicated this to the widow. He was obviously tired and hungry and had been traveling along way, yet he was coming to her. He was telling her that God would not let her flour or oil run out. She was encountering someone who had a belief in someone, God, more than himself. This man was confident in God's provision, no matter how dire the circumstances looked. So she took the risk, amidst all the evidence to the contrary. And, God provided! The flour and oil lasted.

Where are you at your wits end? How is it causing you to be self-consumed? God has a plan! It is in our emptiness that we find Him. He is at the end of our rope. He just usually doesn't show up in ways we expect. Are you in an Elijah season, where you trust God completely amidst your circumstances but still place your expectations on what His provision looks like? Or, maybe you are in a widow season where you see no hope, no resolution, only death? God shows up for both!

When A Wolf Is Your Thorn In The Flesh

I have been pondering Paul's thorn in his flesh recently. The metaphor sounds very painful, if you have ever had a sliver for any amount of time, you know how irritating and painful it can be. The metaphor raises alot of interesting considerations, especially relevant for self-absorbed marriages.

My first thought revolved around questions of "what is my thorn?" Certainly if you are married to a Wolf, your thorn in your flesh is probably your spouse. For other's it may be their fiances, for other's it may be a physical condition, and for other's it may be an addiction. Identifying your thorn in your flesh is an important first step. What is it that you are consumed with? What causes you the most pain?

It is in this pain that we can become consumed with self-absorption and focus on the pain. In the pain we question God. Why me? We plead for relief or rescue. We may even feel like our thorn is unjust. It serves as a constant reminder that our life is hard!

That is right where God's grace starts! In our pain, we turn to HIM! Once we are through with our pleading and begging for relief, His answer is "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Think about what keeps you humble. I know when I get past my whining stage of yet again when my thorn has been irritating me, I am reminded that I am completely and utterly dependent on God! Amidst all the "praise" I may receive from others, God reminds me that he is Sovereign! I am nothing without Him and what who He has created me to be.

When our thorn is a Wolf, sometimes it seems like the answer is to get rid of the Wolf. But, that is not always the answer. What if the Wolf is God's vehicle your transformation? What if God is using the Wolf to draw you closer to Him? Do you want to miss out? Let me take a moment of caution here: IF YOU ARE IN A PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT STAYING WITH THAT KIND OF WOLF! You need to seek out the wisdom of a shelter that works with domestic violence as soon as possible! When you are in a physically abusive relationship, your Wolf is your distorted thoughts of why you staying!!!

The other amazing gift of a thorn in your flesh is humility! When you are succeeding in life because of "your" efforts, you are getting praise and glory. When you are succeeding in life amidst your thorn, God gets the glory, because you know it would have been impossible without Him!

Look to God's grace today whenever your thorn irritates you and remember He is at work in you. His grace is sufficient!

Don't Believe Everything You Hear About Your Friend's Divorce

One of the hardest things in life to deal with is divorce. Divorce effects not only the two people divorcing, but their children, extended families, friends, church and the communities they live in. Friends and churches can be instruments of healing or an instrument that inflicts even more harm. Friends and the church want to be a place of healing and help I am sure and the harm they inflict is often unintentional and unknowing.

When a Wolf is thrown into the mix of a divorce it is even more complex and difficult. If you are a friend of a couple or church body with a couple divorcing, remember first that there are two sides to every story! This should go with out saying, but objectivity in these situations is very hard to maintain for several reasons.
First, what appears to be the issues of divorce when their is a Wolf involved is never reality, as they are master story tellers. They are also very charming and if you have been charmed by a Wolf you will believe his or her story of victimization! They will let you know what they had to endure! They will let you know how they tried, and tried, and tried. But here is the truth, they have alot of secrets they aren't telling you. They have skipped their part of the breakdown of the marriage. Often times Wolves have histories of infidelity and abusive behavior that has gone on for years with only their spouse experiencing that side of them while others have been charmed.

When a spouse is leaving a Wolf, if he or she is doing it wisely, they are leaving quietly! Drawing attention to the Wolf destructive ways or trying to defend themself will often only brings more harm and give the Wolf more ammunition to make their spouse look even crazier. Wolves can also be very vengeful, so often times silence is a means of protection and the spouse may never tell their side.

Here is where friends and the church do unintentional harm. They believe the Wolf. They try to intervene and "confront" the spouse of the Wolf. Scriptures get quoted on the Wolf's behalf in the name of "Jesus". Dear friends and church, please be careful!!!
As a therapist I am so often disheartened by the stories I hear in therapy of how churches handle these situations. They forget that Jesus warned us that there are "wolves amongst us"! They forget that God is the knower of all hearts!

I remind my clients that God is always faithful and and will bring support to the spouse of the Wolf to encourage them and help them survive. God's word promises that He will defend His work like the noon sunshine! However, I also believe that God would rather see his body of believers as a place of healing, rather than a place of harm.

I believe our roles as followers of Christ is to show others Christs love! There are tangible ways to do that. Send a note or card of encouragement. Offer to babysit the kids or pick them up from school. If a spouse needs help moving, gather a team to help them. Remember God is the judge and he is all knowing. He actually knows the heart of each person involved and He also knows who has a hard heart! The best thing you can do is encourage your friend to grow in their relationship with Christ and to use this difficult season as a time of maturing in faith! God does some of His best work in the darkest places.

So the next time a couple is going through a divorce, proceed with caution. There may infact be a Wolf lurking! Seek God for wisdom! Be careful about taking sides and don't believe everything you hear!