Behind What Closed Door Does Your Wolf Lurk?

We have all heard the expression, "When you have one finger pointing at the other person, just remember three fingers are pointing at you." Or, Matthew 7:3 cautions us that when we see a speck in our friends eye, their is a log in ours. We are SO often blinded to our own self-centeredness that is SO visible to others.

There are several ways to de-wolf our blind spots. One way is to ask those closest to us, "What area of my life do I have a hard time seeing?" A word of caution here...if you are married to a Wolf, this isn't the person you should be asking. Ask someone who you trust, that you know has your best interest at heart. Another way is to pray and ask God to reveal to you what your blind spots are? Our reactions and words also reveal our blind spots. Ask yourself what you are most inclined to react too? Is it someone criticizing you? Is it someone questioning your intentions? Is it someone judging you? Our reactions reveal what is in our heart!

Another way we reveal what is in our heart is by what we talk about. Do you gossip? Do you speak ill will of others? Proverbs 17:27 & 28 tell us that a wise man has few words and even a fool can be thought to be wise if he is silent. Our words can be a direct reflection of what is in our heart!

How you invest your time also reveals your heart. Where does the chunk of your time go too? When you have free time, where do you invest it? Are you investing it in others or yourself? Don't get me wrong here, self-care is important. However, Jesus didn't retreat all the time. He spent most of his time serving others.

Another place where our hearts are revealed is in how we spend money. This can be a huge blind spot for many of us as we try to survive life. One reason tything is so important is that it is a starting point of acknowledging that it is all God's in the first place, rather than ours. I think God knows our natural inclination is ourself. Over and over research and statistics reveal that one of the main reasons for marital breakups is money. If you think about it, what does this say about self-centeredness? What does this say about my way or the high way? At the core is that classic line "I want what I want when I want it."

Luke 11:41 (LB) says "Purity is best demonstrated by generosity." Do your actions speak generosity to others? Do your reactions speak generosity to others? Do you words speak generosity to others? Does your time speak generosity to others? Do your finances speak generosity to others? Where we lack generosity is a door a wolf may be lurking.

What Your Words Reveal About Your Heart

Our words, actions, and reactions are a gateway to reveal what is going on in our heart. Even when our intentions are innocent,someone may misinterpreted our them and our reaction to that situation reveals our heart. Being falsely accused is never an easy thing. Wolves are masters at manipulating situations and projecting their "issues" onto you. And, if you take the bait...beware. You don't need to take the bait. You have someone who already knows your heart, even better than you yourself. But God promises us that when we are innocent He will make it known. We do not need to defend ourselves. He defends His work and if He is working in your, He will defend His work. Psalms 37:6 says "He will make your innocence radiate like dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noon day sun."

A heart that is open and willing to change is willing to reflect on their actions and reactions. It is also willing to take responsibility for their action. A closed heart is one that jumps to conclusions. It quickly blames. It isn't willing to take responsibility for any of its actions or reactions. The open heart doesn't spend their time talking about the wrongs committed by the other, rather they are looking at what they may have said or done to contribute to the situation. They are looking at what can I do to change this pattern of interaction with this person. A person who is stuck in their issues will say it is the other persons fault. They will profess if the other person wouldn't have done x, they wouldn't have had to do y.

Being falsely accused is never easy. Having your motives called into questions is never easy. Especially if you meant no harm or were innocent. If your security is in Christ and who He created you to be; and if your trust is in Christ and the work He is accomplishing in you then you have no need to fear. It may be best for you to be silent. Remember it is God who defends His work. He really doesn't need your help. It reminds me of Christ, when he was being questions by the Pharisees before his crucifixion. He was being falsely accused and his response was silence!

And when you have a Wolf in your life, you will be falsely accused. Your motives will be questions. Wolves don't like taking responsibility for their actions. In fact, they "project" their issues on to you. For them it is imperative that they come out looking "good". God even covered this one for your, in Matthew 10:16 tells us that when we are amidst wolves we are to be as gentle as a dove and as cunning as a snake.

Relationships reveal alot about our hearts. They are a perfect place for us to reflect. They are a perfect place for God to reveal where our hearts need mending. So, the next time you encounter a relational "issue", stop and take a moment with the Lord. Ask Him what He has to teach YOU in this moment, not what He has to teach the other person. It is about you and His work in you! The minute you make it about them...your heart has been revealed and you might just find your own Wolf lurking inside of you.

I finally decided to breakdown and join the world of blogging. My resistance...all these new avenues of self-absorption. My denial...all these new avenues of marketing and getting the word out.

My prayer is that this blog can be one of wisdom, insight, and understanding to support and encourage those of you suriving in a self-absorbed marriage. A place where you can come to and not feel so alone. I personally remember being so alone in my first marriage, never being able to put my finger on what was really going on. I remember feeling at times like I was going crazy. I knew something wasn't right, I just couldn't figure it out.

The stories behind the WOLF: The Self-Absorbed Christian Marriage are ALL true! They were real experiences! They are all masked in confidentiality. Some are my stories, some are close friends stories, and some are client's stories. We all had one thing in common, a painful marriage that wasn't a living example of Christ's relationship with His bride the church. And, with that came much confusion and self-doubt.

There are NO easy answers to a self-absorbed marriage. It is a process. There is hope! Join the journey with others as you de-wolf your own self-centeredness and learn what it means to be all the Christ intended for you to be!