Jezebel: Meet One of the Real Housewives of The Bible

Jezebel...The world today still uses her name to describe a woman who is selfish and will do whatever it takes to get her own way! In fact, I have witnessed a few Reunion shows of the Housewives where Jezebel's spirit is still alive and well.

The story behind the name of Jezebel is fascinating. Jezebel was a Queen of Israel, God's chosen people. She was married to King Ahab. King Ahab's notoriety is that he was more wicked and worse than any other king of Israel (1 Kings 16:30). King Ahab had converted to the god of Queen Jezebel's people, Baal. Her devotion to Baal was relentless and unwavering, including hunting down and killing as many prophets of Israel's God as she could in an attempt to convert Israel to her god. It was her way or no way.

What is it in your own life that you are relentless and unwavering about? Is it your weight? Is it your saving or spending money? Is it how you fight with your husband? Is it how you raise your children? Is it your reputation? Or, is it surrender to the one true God and becoming who He created you to be? Imagine if Jezebel had used her tenacity for serving God, rather than herself and Baal? Her story and legacy would be so very different. God uniquely makes each of us. Jezebel was made with strength, drive, passion, conviction, and leadership. But, it was all directed toward her own purpose.

Queen Jezebel also believe her and King Ahab should have whatever they desired no matter what the cost was to others. 1 King 21 tells of a day when King Ahab was told no and he was so angry that he refused to eat. Queen Jezebel asked him why. King Ahab explained that he had tried to by a vineyard from a man named Naboth and the man had told him no. Queen Jezebel's response was to have the man stoned to death. Self-absorption leads to us believing that we are entitled to have what we want. It leads to using methods that harm and destroy others.

What is in your life that you feel entitled too? What is it in your own life that you feel you deserve to have because of your position? This is a hard one, because there are so many things in our American way of doing life that we have grown accustom to that we don't even realize our entitlement. For instance, when someone buds the line, are you gracious and forgiving, or do you demand your own way? When your spouse doesn't like what you made for dinner, do you tell him to make his/her own or do you humble yourself? 1st Corinthians 13 tells us that love doesn't demand its own way. Do we? Queen Jezebel always demanded her own way!

Here was Queen Jezebel's fatal flaw, she didn't understand that God always, always has the last say! It may have looked like she got what she wanted, when she wanted it. People were terrified of her. She would kill you in an instance if you didn't succumb to her wishes. But, God revealed that her death would be gruesome. Her flesh would be eaten by dogs and that her body would be scattered like manure. And, it was (2 Kings 9:30-36)!

Her only life was the one she lived on earth where she satisfied her every whim. But, her death was one of dishonor. Rather than a legacy of unselfish conviction and generosity, it was all dedicated to herself.

What do you want your legacy to be? How do you want to be know? How do you want to be thought of? When people use your name, do you want it to be in vain or do you want it to be known as a name that honors and serves God? It is up to you!

The Real Housewives of the Bible

I must confess, I am a bit of a reality tv junkie! I find the whole housewives fame intriguing. The reality is they are famous because of their outlandish self absorption! Dr. Drew Pinsky and Dr. S. Mark Young recently published "The Mirror Effect". In it they said, "The phenomenon of reality TV has certainly democratized fame, but by normalizing narcissistic behaviors on public stage, it has also fueled narcissism among everyday people. Reality television has a great capacity for taking challenging, even tragic dysfunctions and making them see glamorous and even beneficial" (page 70).

A recent episode of one of the Housewives was no exception. One of the housewives has been "ruthless" in her pursuit of trying to bring vengeance on other housewives she perceives as her enemy. She has two daughters she shares all her drama with. Her daughters often just look at her with expressions that say "Here we go again". They try to communicate with their mother to not get involved, to stay away. But, the mother sees it as defending herself against wrong! My heart goes out to these two girls! Their mother appears to lack the ability to think beyond herself, even though she will profess to no end that she is thinking of them. Protecting them. Teaching them to stand up for themselves. The reality is, when a person is a Wolf...they will rationalize away all their behavior as necessary and as a response to someone else's behavior.

This got me to thinking...what lessons would be learned if one reviewed "Housewives of the Bible". Hey the Bible has some serious Narcissistic stories! So, I decided to pick a cast of women for my new series, "The Real Housewives of the Bible". I want to spend the next several blogs exploring what lessons we can learn from these famous housewives.

Meet your cast of Season I...The Real Housewives of the Bible:

The most famous housewife of self absorbed behavior would have to go to Jezebel. She was a Queen of Isreal and was infamous for being self-centered and bringing vengeance on anyone who threatened to call her behavior on the carpet.

I also think I would ask Abigail to be on my "Housewives of the Bible". She was married to Nabal, a controlling Wolf, who was so stubborn that he put the lives of his family and servants at risk by refusing to pay David for his protection services rendered.

Now Eve, she would be an interesting housewife. The first women ever to have to design clothing out of a green products! Now there is a challenge of "Project Runway". But, I digress. Eve has a lot of responsibility for introducing the whole idea of self-absorption into the world and was great at redirecting blame.

No series on "The Real Housewives of the Bible" would be complete without Queen Esther. She had to die to her self and think of a whole nation as the wolfish Haman plotted to kill her people. She also had to be wise in approaching her husband without his request, as it could bring her instant death.

Just for some female relational drama, I think I need to add a mother/daughter-in-law combo. My choice is Naomi, the whiny, whoops, I mean grieving mother-in-law and Ruth, co-dependent, whoops again, I mean loyal daughter-in-law. Naomi had a great life and then it all crumbled when her husband and sons died.

Sisters, we need sisters, can I find a married pair? Ah, yes! Rachel and Leah, married to the same man. A constant rival over children. Murder. Deception. Jealousy. It doesn't stop there, Rachel makes her maid servant sleep with Jacob to bear her a child. And, then changes her mind and fires the maid servant.

Finally, no story on "The Real Housewives of the Bible" would be complete without Jesus's mother, Mary! She also complete surrendered her self, amidst the scandal of being pregnant and not married. She professed that it was an immaculant conception and she was bearing God's son. Really, can drama and misperception get anymore intriguing than that?

Seriously, could Hollywood have even come up with this cast of characters? So are you intrigued? I am! Pass the word along and join me as we enter the world of "The Real Housewives of the Bible", Series I.

"The Real Housewives of the Bible" Credits: To give credit where credit is due...the producer, director, and screen writer; God!

The Spouse of a Wolf is a Lost Sheep...

Do you remember the parable of the lost sheep in Luke 15? Jesus tells a story of a shepherd who has 100 sheep and one of them strays and gets lost in the wilderness. He talks about how the shepherd will go and search for the lost one and rejoice when he finds the lost sheep. I have always thought of this scripture as the "sinner" who wandered off. Who do you think the "sinner" is? Is it a dear friend who wandered away from church? Is it your child, who is off being a prodigal? Is it your lost neighbor? Or, is it you? My challenge is this...if you are in a relationship with a Wolf, is it possible that you are a lost sheep? Think about it? I think our own tendencies toward Wolfness blindsus to the fact that we can be lost sheep. If you are one of the 99 sheep, is it possible to have a Wolf in the midst while the shepherd is there? Or, maybe you have SO wandered away from who Christ desires you to be, that you are indeed a lost sheep and you are married to a Wolf?

I believe that when we are defining our self by others...what they want, what they demand, who they say we are...we may actually be a lost sheep. If God has created me to have a heart of generosity and I am married to a Wolf, who has stingy money issues...how I am living out who God has created me to be? If God has gifted me to provide comic relief, and my Wolf spouse is always putting down my sense of humor...how am I living out who God created me to be. Letting others define you, rather than Christ makes you a lost sheep! You are listening to the voices of others, rather than the voice of the Shepherd.

Do not be afraid to get to know the YOU that God created YOU to be! You are uniquely designed and in that design He has purposes for you! Listen for His voice calling you, He wants to rejoice in bringing you back to the flock!

Alex, I'll take " Wolf Relationships" for $200

A relationship with a Wolf is like playing Jeopardy. You have your catagories...My Needs/Wants/Desires, Spouses Needs/Wants/Desires, Marriage, Wolf Relationships, Biblical Directives, and What Other's See. So, let's play!

Contestant: "Alex, I will take Biblical Directives for $200"

Alex: It is commonly know as the love chapter and is used at most weddings to define love."

Contestant: "What is 1st Corinthians 13:4-7?"

Score! $200 points

Contestant: "Alex, I will take Wolf Relationsip for $200"

Alex: "Wise words given by Jesus for interacting with wolves...to be as cunning as snake and inoffensive as a dove"

Contestant: "What is Matthew 10:16?"

Score! $200 points

The problem is, in Jeopardy your opponents are usually also very skilled.

Contestant: "Alex, I will take My Needs/Wants/Directives for $200

Alex: When you are at your wits end and can't figure out what the next right step is in your relationship?"

We all know that there are those questions that stump us! And, in the final Jeopardy question we have difficult choices to make. If we are ahead in the game, we have to figure out the best strategy for staying in the game. If we are behind in the game, we have to lay it all on the line and hope it is enough to stay in the game. A marriage with a Wolf has those defining moments when we are at our wit's end and have no clue what the question is going to be or if we have enough resources to stay in the game and wait for the question and then figure out the answer.

Here my friend is actually a good place to be! It may feel terrifying. It may be triggering every insecurity, hurt, and fear you have. It is at this place where we have no where to turn, except to God! We have reached the end of ourselves (finally) and have only the option of relying on him. Karl Barth said, "When we are at our wit's end for an answer, then the Holy Spirit can give us an answer. But how can He give us an answer when we are still well supplied with all sorts of answers of our own."

So today, in your confusion, emptiness, loss, loneliness...take comfort! Comfort in knowing that you are actually in a good place and the answer is there! God has it waiting for you!

Expectations: A Potentially Lethal Relational Virus

Do you realize that your "white picket fence" marriage list has the potential to kill a relationship? Scary! When we are determining who will be a good marital match, a list of our ideal qualities is a smart thing. Knowing what you want in a relationship and what qualitities you want in your partner help to make a wise decision. However, when that list becomes a measure of expectations for how the relationship "should" function, it can turn into a virus that can cause harm to the best of relationships.

For example, let's say that your top three things on your list in a relationship are 1) Christian, 2) sense of humor, 3) generous spirit. Now let's say you have met the "right" person and checked off your top three and got married. Now let's assume that several years into the relationship, your spouse is having a crisis of faith. For instance, they worked in church ministry and got fired and are now resentful about attending church. Let's also assume that they are going through depression and their sense of humor is currently "lacking" or it has gotten dark and sarcastic. And finally, let's assume that they are isolating in their depression and are so consumed by the loss that they rarily think of others. All of these would be a change in the relationship dynamic and what once was a foundation to the way the relationship functioned is now being challenged.

Life has its twist and turns. Learning how to adapt your relationship is critical to the survival of a relationship. If your "white picket fence" list has turned into a list of expectations, it is going to be more difficult for you to navigate through the various seasons in your relationship. The great thing about healthy relationships is that they grow, they change, they adapt. The great thing about trials in a relationship is that it has the capacity to strengthen and unite the couple as a team. But, expectations have the potential to cause the relationship to become stuck, to grow stale, to be stagnent. Expectations have the potential to tear down a relationship and not allow it to succeed!

So, as you face trials in your relationships...face your expectations head on and realize they are an opportunity for growth and change!