Expectations: A Potentially Lethal Relational Virus

Do you realize that your "white picket fence" marriage list has the potential to kill a relationship? Scary! When we are determining who will be a good marital match, a list of our ideal qualities is a smart thing. Knowing what you want in a relationship and what qualitities you want in your partner help to make a wise decision. However, when that list becomes a measure of expectations for how the relationship "should" function, it can turn into a virus that can cause harm to the best of relationships.

For example, let's say that your top three things on your list in a relationship are 1) Christian, 2) sense of humor, 3) generous spirit. Now let's say you have met the "right" person and checked off your top three and got married. Now let's assume that several years into the relationship, your spouse is having a crisis of faith. For instance, they worked in church ministry and got fired and are now resentful about attending church. Let's also assume that they are going through depression and their sense of humor is currently "lacking" or it has gotten dark and sarcastic. And finally, let's assume that they are isolating in their depression and are so consumed by the loss that they rarily think of others. All of these would be a change in the relationship dynamic and what once was a foundation to the way the relationship functioned is now being challenged.

Life has its twist and turns. Learning how to adapt your relationship is critical to the survival of a relationship. If your "white picket fence" list has turned into a list of expectations, it is going to be more difficult for you to navigate through the various seasons in your relationship. The great thing about healthy relationships is that they grow, they change, they adapt. The great thing about trials in a relationship is that it has the capacity to strengthen and unite the couple as a team. But, expectations have the potential to cause the relationship to become stuck, to grow stale, to be stagnent. Expectations have the potential to tear down a relationship and not allow it to succeed!

So, as you face trials in your relationships...face your expectations head on and realize they are an opportunity for growth and change!